I Just Found Out.

Wow. That's about all I can say. I just found out last night that two of my favorite cousins are having a really tough time. Really tough as in the 17-year old cousin ran away from home and hasn't come back in 3 weeks. And the other cousin, who is 16, is experimenting with several drugs and getting into a tough group of friends. The 17-year old wrote a letter to his parents asking to be removed from his family, "claiming" that he can just live with friends and live without his parents. I've never even thought that any of this would ever happen to this "normal" family.

Looking at the 16-year old's Facebook page reveals several marijuana and drug references and I can sadly see him going into gang life in the not so distant future. The 17-year old won't answer his phone. The parents know where he is, but they really just don't know what to do. I'm in the same exact position. I've been pretty close to both of them, but I never thought that any of it would go this far. The 17-year old is also experimenting with drugs and I'm afraid of what could happen to him if he continues down that path too far. He does talk to his brother (aka: the 16-year old) just about everyday, which I think is probably good for both of them, but I know that they also will not finish high school, not go to college, and regret everything that they're doing for the rest of their life. Maybe not right now, but eventually, I really think that they will. Beyond all of this, I know that these two kids can really be good and respectable people, but when drugs and depression dictate your life, it's hard to know what's right and what's wrong. Just looking at the 16-year old this weekend, I could see that he's really depressed and at a really tough time in his life. He doesn't look happy at all, which isn't typical of him at all.

I really hope that both of them will come out of this eventually. When peer pressure forces you down a terrible path, it's hard for them to turn back. I'm scared that they will start using more extreme drugs that will lead to their deaths. That's so frightening to think about. I don't even want to think about that at all.

Another Flowing Poem.

This poem just wrote so naturally. But I'm not sure what that means.


Do not hide those eyes.
They make you untouchable
But they will not cover up all your lies.

What are you waiting for?
I don’t think I can love you anymore.

Every time I try to pick up the phone
My mind runs on empty
And I get depressed because I’m all alone.

What are you waiting for?
I don’t think I can love you anymore.

But then I saw a hint of interest
From your unpredictable life
And I’m being completely honest.

What am I waiting for?
I can’t live life without you anymore.

Couplet-Type Open Poem.

I don't think I like this poem that much, but whatever.



You’re the one that I see when I close my eyes
The one that makes my whole world rise

If only you knew how much you mean to me
Then it would be the two of us, young and free

I know you need someone to make you whole
I’m the only one that can complete your soul

You don’t how much I care about you
Our tones match the exact same hue

Never before has something felt so right
One love, two hearts, plain in sight

My Amazon.com Wishlist.

I've been thinking about doing this post for a while now. These are some of the items on my Amazon.com wishlist.

• Any "Walking Dead" graphic novel volume
• "Persepolis" books and DVD
• "Spirited Away" DVD
• Batman Beyond Complete Collection
• Kodak EasyShare 8.2 MP Black Camera and 4 GB SD Memory Card
• Adobe Photoshop CS3 or Paint Shop Pro Photo X2
• 2001: Nights Graphic Novel
• Spore (PC)
• Diablo Battle Chest
• Resident Evil 4 (Wii)
• Rock Band 2 (Xbox 360)
• Street Fighter Anniversary Collection (Xbox)
• Grand Theft Auto: The Trilogy (Xbox)
• Street Fighter IV (Xbox 360)

I'll probably update this list from time to time.

A Poem That Wrote Like A Song.

This poem just wrote like a song. I was kinda singing the lines in my head as lyrics to get inspiration. It just wrote so naturally and out of nowhere. I love when that happens :) But lately, I've just had a lot of creativity just flowing through my head. I don't know if that's because I'm trying to make my job interesting or if it's just a phase, but I've just been coming up with creative songs/lyrics/poems/beats/lines/ideas randomly throughout the past few days that I've been jotting down.



Hold hands and always be together
I want us to live forever
Dance for a while in the sunlight
We’ll laugh and play, it’ll be alright

We could choose what we want to do
Never knowing what’s false or what’s really true
You might give this perfect life a chance
And live a life full of peace and romance

Let’s prove them wrong and show them we can last
Living secluded to forget our past
Running everywhere and living nowhere
Alive for the moment without a single care

So will you believe
In a better life than the one you lead?
How about we give up
And just blame it on luck?

We’ll live alone with no one around
Just the two of us, together unbound
Nobody to judge or laugh
Leaving them behind to start our own path

A Poem I Wrote Today.

You’re not just another brick in the wall
To me, you stand out in the crowd, proud and tall
Nobody has ever made me feel this way before
As days pass, I want you even more and more

You said that I needed to calm down and chill out
But I know that you’re the one for me, without a doubt
Even though you think you’re not extraordinary
To me, you’re anything but the ordinary

I miss seeing your smile everyday
What should I say to make everything okay?
I think you don’t fully believe
That I’m not like other guys who’ll just pack up and leave

I’m thinking about you 24/7, everyday and night
I wish everything would just be okay and finally alright
I want you to answer differently when I beg “Please?”
Maybe then you’ll discover, that the juice is worth the squeeze

New Banner.

I just finished up the new banner. I'm not digging the chalk-like font for the title right now, but I'll wait and see. Maybe I'll change it, maybe I won't. I'll keep it for a while and see how I like it (or don't like it).

The circle logo is something I made a while ago for my band in high school (named "Sawfish"). I liked how the logo turned out and the name sawfish just stuck. I use sawfish22 and the logo for avatars and screennames now.

UPDATE: I didn't like it. I went with a more modern font.

Another Poem.

What if it doesn’t work out?
What if we aren’t meant to be together?
What if we’re too young?
What if she doesn’t like me?
What if she doesn’t notice when I’m not around?
What if she likes someone else?
What if she isn’t my soul mate?
What if she never returns my calls?
What if she thinks I’m a creep?
What if I’m not good enough for her?
What if it turns out like every other relationship?
What if everyone else is right?







But, I love her.

New Poem.

This poem just flowed as I wrote it. It's about this one girl, but I won't post her name here or anything. It pretty much sums up my thoughts that I've been thinking about for the past couple of weeks.



I call you
But you never call me
I ask you
But you never answer me

I notice you
But you never remember me
I see you
But you never look at me

I hate it when I’m waiting
For your calls that won’t come through
I hate it when I’m waiting
For your honest and direct response

I hate it when I’m waiting
For a single hint of recognition
I hate it when I’m waiting
For your glance or even your stare

But even if it takes a million years,
I’ll wait for you forever
Because as much as I hate it,
It makes me want you even more

First Post.

This is my first post. I'm going to try and update this blog with my random thoughts and musings from time to time. I'll see how it goes.

I'm not trying to change the world or anything. And I'm not going to stick to a schedule of writing everyday. If I happen to write everyday, so be it. But it's not a strict schedule by any means. I'm just going to write what comes to my mind, whether that's insight into something I've been thinking about or a story about something. I don't know if I'll write something as prose or a poem. I just write and see how it turns out.